some old ones i found TEXAS HOSPITALITY Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 091101. You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 180R." Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on runway 180R. Allah be praised!" Dallas ATC: "Tower to Egypt Air 091102. You are cleared to land westbound on runway 180R." Egypt Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on runway 180R. God is great." Pause: Static... Saudi Air: "DALLAS ATC! DALLAS ATC!!! Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi?" Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY!!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!" Dallas ATC: "Y'all be careful now, ya hear?" ................................ THE MODERN MANAGER
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's ....................... One more THE PRETEL HOLD
A Russian and a Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal.
Before the final match, the Newfoundland wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has, whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished!"
The Newfoundland wrestler nodded to acknowledge.
As the match started, the Newfoundland wrestler and the Russian cirlled each other several times, looking for an opening.
All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Newfoundland wrestler and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, and then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Newfoundlander collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded.
When he finally got his wrestler alone he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."
"So," the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off?"
"Not really answered the wrestler. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts."
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