WARNING: skip this post if you don't want to hear my babbling. 

Confidence is a poor predictor of incompetence.
But does the lack of confidence imply incompetence? Based on my personal observation, I believe so.

Have you seen your coworkers or classmate showing nerviousness before giving a talk?
Have you met a date who don't feel fully confident?
Have you heard from salesperson who shows too much hesitation in his short pitch?

I am sure you have. I bet you have caught yourself projecting a lack of confidence too.


As a human being, I am guilty of this. And when I do, I do some self-reflection in attempt to understand myself better. More often then not, I am fail to show confidence because of the self-awareness that I am incompetent. For example:


Have I shown nerviousness before giving a talk?
Yes. I cannot convinced myself that I have drilled my presentation to perfection. I have not adequated prepared for tough questions from the audience. I have not rehearsed enough for my body language. This is why I am afraid. A good opera actor practices so much for his scene so that it has become second nature, alleviating his minds from worrying about the outcome of his own performance.

Have you met a date who don't feel fully confident?
I have. Turns out that she has not dated enough boys to understand the nuances the romance, so the partner has to do all the work in keeping the experience fun. I have been on giving end of the problem too. Dating, and to a certain extent meeting new people, requires considerable inter-personal skills. Yes, I am aware of that saying "just be yourself" But the ability to "be yourself" comes only after you have come to understanding yourself, and have learned how to creatively express your own personality. It takes practice and quite a bit of pain. Most smooth-talkers have put in their time learning from own failures, or learning from other people's mistakes. Their demeanors is the fruit of their hardwork.

Have you spoken a salesperson owner who shows too much hesitation in his short pitch?
I was that guy, and my boss was with me during that less-than-perfect pitch. I was asked to resign. I explained that the prospective client did not look interested judging from his facial expression. My boss pointed out that was not the reason I was let go and explained that salespersonals must not derive confidence from the audience's reactions. He must be the source of his own confidence. My boss' left me with 2 pieces of advice:

1) Confidence must be earned. You don't have the right to be confident unless you are good at what you do, or have a religious belief in what you do.


2) Do not hope for good outcomes unless you KNOW you have done an excellent job. If you are fair to yourself, you would rationally expect good outcomes for a job well done, ordinary outcomes for mediocre work, and bad consequences for a poor job. If you can accept this, you will no longer have to worry because you have removed the fear of uncertainty from your mind. You will be busy planning for the clean-up but not apprehensive. People often experience fear after a poor performance because they are uncertain whether negative consequence will ensue. Whya they uncertain? Well they have been lucky in the past in getting away with some of their mistakes. The sick thing is that, after getting lucky, the dark and secret side of them continues to wish for the same luck in the future!! And that false hope leads to a thrill. This is no different from the gambler's mindset. Defeat this deadly sin and you will be much more confident.


To me, lack of confidence reflects a self-acknowledgment that full diligence has not been fulfilled. It is actually a good thing since it invokes a feeling a guilt which often result in self-improvement. Of course, praises would have been a better motivator but guilt is nonetheless an effective driver.